Jokes Viewer

All libraries file Chuck Norris' novels in Non-Fiction

Santa actually gives everyone presents. It's just that Chuck Norris pounds some of them into coal.

The dinosaurs are extinct because when Chuck Norris was a growing boy, he ate them for lunch. All of them. In one sitting. Scientists have recently discovered prehistoric ash in the crater in mexico, revealing that this was not created by a meteor, but was in fact Chuck Norris's fire pit for this meal.

Colnel Sander's 11 secret herbs and spices are actually Chuck Norris' sweat, pubes, toejam, backwash, clingons, sleep, fingernail clippings, urine, bile, heel callous and semen.

Chuck Norris doesn't play billiards, as he pots all the balls on his first shot. You won't see this, you would have already been killed by the rebounding cueball.

The Kool-Aid Pitcher Man once burst through Chuck Norris' livingroom wall and said, "Oh Nooooo!"

Chuck Norris once made a waterfall run backwards by sheer intimidation.

Police searching Philip Seymour Hoffman's apartment found a cowboy hat, bowie knife, a full Walker: Texas Ranger DVD box set and a huge Chuck Norris-shaped hole in the wall. They didn't find this even slightly suspicious.

Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

It is impossible to beat Chuck Norris in rock, paper, scissors since his roundhouse kick beats all. Yes, even the bomb.